Jul 22 2011

Love in the time of Cholera

Published by at 6:11 pm under Just another day in Paradise

I know I’ve left you for a while without a blog post, but someone needs to write those dark and politically incorrect scripts out there, and since none of you is willing to do it, I was left with the dirty work. I’m back, however, and here’s what has bothered me lately.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but not telling me you love me and not reminding me I’m beautiful, doesn’t really make me less attractive or lovable, it just makes you more of an idiot. Isn’t this right?

Last night I met up with some friends for a pizza. But as the chef had changed the “Mediterranea” that I always get, by stupidly adding mushrooms to it, I had to do some serious menu research before I ordered, so we once again all managed to involve ourselves in an unpleasant conversation. “Aw…” one of the girls meowed while reading a text on her phone. As always, one fell for this old trick and asked her what the message was saying. She hesitated a bit, but then read it out loud. “You’re the love of my life, I can’t live without you”. The “aws” broke out once again, so I waited for them to finish before I asked my question: ‘That’s nice. What a cool guy… What are you gonna say”? She shook her head while putting her phone back in her bag. “Nothing”. “What, nothing at all”? She sipped a bit of her water. “No, not yet anyway. You know, I can’t just immediately reply”…

Very confused, I looked at the others. They nodded, agreeing with her. “Yeah, you don’t want to look needy”, one of them said to her. I paused for a while and closed the menu. The waiter approached me, but I gave him the signal that I needed some more time. The world needed some more time. “So, let me get this right: He texts you he loves you, but you can’t reply? He is adorable for sharing his feelings with you, whereas you are needy if you say you feel the same way”? She looked at me, thinking about it. “Well, yeah… I mean, you can’t just immediately go ‘oh, I love you too, missing you more every minute’, can you? That puts you in a minor place”. I shook my head and re-opened the menu that was more interesting: “No, this puts you in a minor place”, I stressed, pointing at her. “Not being able to share the way you feel with your boyfriend”.

A few hours later, I overheard a bit of a skype conversation between Theo and a friend of his, where they were discussing beautiful women. Even though the chat involved mainly celebrities, somehow I managed to creep in. “Angeliki’s the most beautiful of all of these women though. Man, sometimes I feel like I’m in a dream. I keep asking myself how I ever got to be so lucky”, Theo said, probably knowing I could hear. His friend immediately panicked: “Yeah, but you don’t tell her that, right”? “What do you mean”? “I mean, you don’t tell her all the time you’re wondering how you got this lucky, do you? You don’t keep reminding her how beautiful she is, right”? Theo thought about it for a while. “Actually, I tell her more than all the time. I don’t think I ever say anything else. I can’t help it, she’s gorgeous”.

The other guy completely lost faith in his friend. “Then you’re gonna lose her man… She is beautiful, and most guys out there probably let her know, the minute she knows she has you completely… She’s out. The minute a woman knows how good-looking she is and how much you love her, she’s got no reason to stay”. Theo was looking at his computer’s screen in disbelief, and I was laughing, seeing how that guy really didn’t know his audience. “So then what? I should tell her that she’s ugly and that I don’t love her”? His friend thought that was pushing it a bit. “No, I’m not saying that… But you know, tell her, say, once a month. Decide on a day that you tell her she’s beautiful and that you love her, and that way you’ll keep her a bit unsure of whether she has you or not”. Theo dismissed him and changed the subject: “No man, it doesn’t work like that… Anyway, what are your plans for the rest of the summer”?…

This reminded me of a time when a friend of mine saw Theo and immediately took me aside and told me that he’s way too handsome and I should be careful not to put him on a pedestal and then he thinks he’s too good for me. “You know, you don’t want him realising he can do better, right”? “Ouch”, I said, cringing. She tried to fix it. “Of course you’re very beautiful too, but I mean come on, look at him. He’s gorgeous”! I agreed with her. “Yeah, I know… I kinda like gorgeous men… But then again, that’s just me”. “It’s just that I know you, and you’re always so honest with these things, ‘you’re so beautiful, I love you’ and the lot. That’s how you lose them. They realise they’re great and then they dump you”! “That’s not really how I lose them”… I tried to explain, but she stopped me. “Play it hard to get, make him a bit jealous, tell him he’s not really that attractive, tell him ‘love’ is a heavy word and you can’t use it. You know, that kind of thing”. I started walking away, terrified of her. “Hard to get, jealous, not attractive. Got it. Thanks”, I said, and ran for my life.

Not much to say, except for… Oh My God! What has this world come to? Have we really reached such an advanced level of insanity? Are we actually living in a time that we can’t tell our boyfriend/girlfriend that he/she is beautiful and that we love him/her, because we are scared of losing him/her? Is it me, or is this insecurity at its best? Is it me, or do we perhaps deserve to lose the person we love if we can’t find it in us to tell him/her how we feel as often as we can? And is it me, or is this exactly the reason why most people are cheating, dieting and in need of a shrink?…

What I find interesting, is that if my boyfriend never told me I’m beautiful and only every now and then let me know that he loved me, any friend of mine would urge me to dump that jerk for not appreciating me. But at the same time, every friend strongly advises that I do what I’d hate being done to me, back. Also, I find fascinating that people don’t realise there are mirrors out there. Even if I were to never tell my boyfriend how attractive he is, I think he would eventually find out anyway. I’m just saying that perhaps this kind of secret is not as well kept as we might think…

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2 responses so far

2 Responses to “Love in the time of Cholera”

  1. katerinaon 29 Jul 2011 at 7:56 am

    so good to have you back,it was like no news from the front!!!!!!I was searching every day your blog like it is an agony column!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Angeliki Coconion 29 Jul 2011 at 10:05 pm

    I always come back. I have nowhere else to go.

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