Sep 15 2011

Love is a Crime

Published by at 3:32 pm under Just another day in Paradise

There has always been a specific issue troubling every woman and every man out there and that is the question of when one knows for sure that he/she has met the one. I get all my girlfriends asking me “do you think he’s the man I should spend the rest of my life with?”, or “how can you tell when a person is right for you? How do you know for sure”? I also get the same from all my guys friends: “How do I know that I didn’t just walk past the woman of my dreams this morning on my way to work?”, or the classic “does such a thing as a soulmate even exist”?

Well, I’ve thought about it long and hard, I’ve researched the issue and I finally have an answer. Such a thing as a soulmate exists and there is a very good way to tell who it is that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.

A few days ago I went out for dinner with a couple of friends. Having finished with our starters, we found ourselves waiting a bit longer than usual for our mains, so one of the girls got up to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes she popped her head out of the bathroom door and signalled to her boyfriend to get her something. He looked at her, not understanding. “What is it”? The girl glimpsed at the other customers having their food, trying to silently tell her boyfriend that her problem wasn’t something she could openly share with everyone, so I jumped in to help. “She wants her bag, can you take it to her?”, I whispered to her guy, but that only confused him eve more. “Is it your bag you want?”, he said, loudly. She nodded. “Yes, quickly”, she answered and hid back into the bathroom. Without moving, he carried on staring towards the bathroom door, completely lost. “Why on earth would you want your bag in there?”, he shouted. Immediately I got up and took the bag to her. She was hugely relieved to see me. “What’s wrong with him, Angeliki?”, she sighed, and reached for a pad from her bag.

Last Friday I was sitting at a café writing an article, when an old couple sitting next to me caught my attention. “Look”, the guy said to his wife, without pointing at anything. She briefly nodded. “I know”. “Why do you think?”, the guy whispered. The woman put her cup of coffee back on the table and shook her head. “For the reasons we’re both thinking”. He accepted it and finished his coffee, letting a couple of minutes pass in silence. “Do you remember what I asked you the other day”? “Yes, of course”. “Well, I decided we should do it”. She thought about it for a few seconds. “Even if it means”… “Yeah, definitely”. A very annoying looking woman approached them at that point, and they both forced a smile. “Hi, how are you? Long time no see! You look good”. They both nodded one after the other and immediately the woman started getting her stuff together to go. “It’s such a shame that we can’t stay though, it would be great to catch up but we have this thing”… The old man jumped in to help while leaving some change on the table towards his coffee. “Our granddaughter’s graduation”. “Yes…”, his wife smiled apologetically. “We can’t be late for that, eh?”, the man added, already walking away. “No, of course not”, the annoying woman replied. “But we should get together for some tea soon”, the wife said nicely as she followed her husband out of the café.

Yesterday, still having a warm feeling inside from that perfectly in sync couple, I called a friend on skype for a chat. After exchanging news and gossip, I asked her if she had finally gotten round to watching “Shine a Light” as I had asked her to do so about a million times. “Oh, yeah, I did. It was great! Very good, like you promised”. “Really? You liked it? Isn’t it amazing?”, I asked her, excited. “Amazing, yes”, she agreed. Her boyfriend at that point was heard from the other side of the room. “What’s amazing”? “Shine a Light”, she replied, giving him the look to stay out of it. “What’s that?”, he insisted. She smiled awkwardly and looked away from the camera. “The Rolling Stones concert we watched the other night? Remember”? The guy burst out laughing. What are you talking about? Are you drunk?”, he asked, leaving her hanging. She turned back to the camera to face me. “Anyway”… “Yeah”, I agreed. We stayed for a few seconds in an awkward silence and then said our goodbyes and hung up.

This reminded me of a time that my ex boyfriend and I went out with a few people that we couldn’t stand but kept inviting us out. After we reminded each other that we had to every now and then find it in us to do them the favour, so that they wouldn’t hate us back, we went and had a dreadful evening. As the much anticipated end of the night was slowly coming and two o’clock in the morning looked like a very decent time to call it a night, one of them asked us to join them to a club for a few more drinks. My boyfriend turned to me for an answer, so I did us both the getting out of it favour. “You know what, even though I’d like to, I think it would be better if we left you guys now”. The guy looked at my boyfriend, insisting. “Come on, don’t be like that! Stay with us”. “I guess we could stay out for a bit longer”, he hesitated, but I didn’t want to hear it. “But you look tired, babe. And you’ve had this sore throat for a while now, is it really a good idea to stay up all night? You need to get some rest”… The guy looked at my boyfriend, concerned. “Really? You’ve had a cold”? “No… I don’t know what she’s talking about”… He turned and looked at me in wonder. “What sore throat? I’m fine”! I nodded, in pain, and then looked at him in the eyes: “I think we should start seeing other people”…

The other night I was eating at a taverna with Georgia, when someone we used to know quite well but now has turned into just an awkward stop-and-chat, sat at the table behind her. “Don’t look, he’s behind you”, I whispered, while dipping my bread in the olive oil. Keeping her cool, she nodded. “Who’s he with”? “The usual”. “Has he seen us”? “I can only imagine”. “Avoid eye contact at all costs”. “Goes without saying”. And that was it. Crisis aborted, out of a potentially cringe worthy situation with great success. Now “why can’t a man be more like Georgia?”, I thought.

And that was when it hit me: Our soulmate is our partner in crime. The person we are meant to be with for the rest of our lives, is the person that can read our conspiring face, take our lie that one step further, and get us out of an unpleasant situation with ease. How come Bonnie and Clyde never wondered whether they had made the right choice of partner?

It looks like this is the one way to know for sure whether the other person is right for you: Does he/she know when you’re trying to get out of something, even without you explaining it? Does he/she back you up with a brilliant lie custom made for that particular situation? Can he/she read your thought and not judge you for it? Can he/she get you out of family dinners and bad music parties without you even having to ask for it? Can he/she back you up when you say you’ve watched “Shine a Light”? Can he just accept he has a sore throat and you need to go? Can he/she follow the “don’t look” instruction when every other person fails? And can he bring you your bag to the bathroom, without letting everyone in the restaurant know that you’re on your period?

If yes, then this is the right person for you, so hold on to him/her. However, remember that winks, nudges and kicks under the table are not going to work. They might do the trick in a tough situation or two, but they’re only going to hurt your relationship in the long run. So try to keep it simple and easy, you-distract-them-I-shoot kind of love is meant to last forever.

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2 responses so far

2 Responses to “Love is a Crime”

  1. Georgiaon 15 Sep 2011 at 11:38 pm

    So, this means you’ve found your soulmate… And I’ve found mine!

  2. Angeliki Coconion 16 Sep 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Make no mistake about it.

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