Dec 16 2011

Of Our Elaborate Plans, The End.

Published by at 6:55 pm under Just another day in Paradise

I realised today that a love story is not officially over until it’s over. And when do you know for sure that it is over? When you are included in a mass email.

This morning I woke up, made my breakfast, and sat in front of my computer to write. Being in a romantic mood, I thought perhaps I’d write about freedom, beauty, truth and love, but once again the cynical world out there made a noticeable appearance through my e-mails. Seeing the name of a strong past love as the sender in one of them, I all at once felt warm, and opened it with a loving smile, only for that smile to suddenly freeze on my face when I started reading it. Looking more like Joker than Angeliki, I quickly realised that it was a mass e-mail, sent to everyone the guy knew, which said the following: ‘Good morning all, I hope you’re having a good day, and an even nicer winter so far! The spring is now almost here and the summer will soon follow’. ‘Thanks for the insight’, I whispered to myself, seeing the million different reasons for which that man was an ex. ‘I hope to see you all guys soon and we get the chance to catch up. Have a great day’. Having completely destroyed any possibility of me having a good day, I left the flat and went to meet a friend in order to complain.

When two hours later she and I were having lunch, I came out with it: ‘Stephanos mass e-mailed me’. She put her fork down slowly. ‘Honey’… I stopped her with my hand. I didn’t want her pity face. ‘It’s ok. I’m ok. It’s just that… You know’. She nodded, sympathetically. ‘I do know. It’s the closure. It’s… The end’. I turned to look the other way, not liking the sound of that. ‘The end…’, I repeated, and she slowly put her hand on my shoulder. She looked at me in the eyes: ‘You know I had the same thing happening to me’? I smiled, sceptically: ‘You had an ex sending you an e-mail explaining to you how the whole season-changing thing works’? ‘Well, no, every mass e-mail works differently I guess, but I did have a guy I loved deeply e-mailing me, and everyone else he knew, a year later, sending us a ‘funny’ video… I couldn’t however find it in me to laugh’. I accepted it. An ex forwarding you a ‘funny’ video through a mass e-mail? Yes, it definitely loses its humour.

I had a bit of a tough dance class in the evening, and when I finished, I hung out in the studio for a while longer, trying to catch my breath. One of the other girls there waved at me from the other side of the room, and I nodded ‘hi’ back. ‘Are you ok? You seemed a bit off today’, she asked, nicely. ‘Yeah, I’m ok… It’s just that I was mass e-mailed by an ex, this morning’… She walked towards me, looking at me intensely. ‘You’re joking’. ‘No… Unfortunately I’m not. I mean, I love my boyfriend so much, and this guy means absolutely nothing to me… But I kind of kept that to myself, you know? I didn’t try to find a way to make that clear to him’. She nodded, knowing exactly what I was talking about. ‘Cause this is basically him saying, ‘look you mean nothing to me, I have completely forgotten all about you. You are nothing more to me than all the rest of the people I know, I’m very happy in my life without you, here’s your mass e-mail, enjoy’. She laughed. ‘I’ve had the same happening to me, not so long ago actually. A guy that I used to see, but who ended it, and who then of course I had to remove from all my contact lists to forget about, mass e-mailed me to ask me, and a million others, to sign in favour of WikiLeaks. I remember staring at it, thinking, come on, are you tying to be funny’?…

I talked to my grandma on the phone in the evening, and I mentioned today’s problem. ‘Stephanos mass e-mailed me’. ‘Ouch. What did he say?’. ‘He said that seasons may change, winter to spring, but I don’t love you‘… She sighed. ‘That’s a closure for you, right there’. ‘Yes, you see though the thing is, I didn’t need a closure. I knew we were done. I’m with another guy that I love! He’s with another girl. We both knew this had finished, we just didn’t write The End and we didn’t fade to black. Everything else was pointing to the end-of-this-pathetic-love-story direction’. ‘Well, he wanted a bit of ‘fade to black’, what can you do? It’s all about different styles we all have in breaking up’. ‘It’s more post-break-up styles that I’m talking about though’… She exhaled. ‘Look Angeliki, we didn’t have mass e-mails in my time, but we did have the very similar case of party invitations identically written. Whether you were an important ex or just an acquaintance, it didn’t matter. You were invited to the guy’s party in the same way; you were getting the same little paper. So you knew it was over. And then either you went for the free food, or just arranged to do something else with your night. But that invitation was your closure’.     

I went to bed thinking about all this. An ex with whom you’ve shared important moments, re-connecting with you in order to ask you to sign in favour of WikiLeaks? A person you at some point loved and hopefully loved you back, including you in an e-mail, text, invitation along with all the people that probably mean nothing to him/her? An ex forwarding you, and the rest of the world, a funny video? A person you used to care about, but who is now letting you know that summer comes after spring? Yes, this is the end. The love story is now officially over, we kindly ask you to use the back exit.

But for what it’s worth, I feel the need to suggest that everyone removes their ex girlfriends and boyfriends from their mailing list. Even if it is at this late stage. If you don’t, be prepared to be included in their mass murder list, their Hit List, or their Schindler’s List.

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One response so far

One Response to “Of Our Elaborate Plans, The End.”

  1. traitson 14 Oct 2012 at 5:39 am

    someone who is over someone else doesn’t feel warm when they see an email from them

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