Nov 13 2010

Bank Job

Published by at 11:21 am under Just another day in Paradise

Today I realised that all women and most men are obsessed with looking at themselves in mirrors, windows, glasses, spoons, and in general any object that shows any kind of reflection. I also realised that if we use that the right way, we can get rich.

I left my house this morning to go to the train station and meet a friend. A distance that I usually cover in fifteen minutes, today was taking me much longer, since in front of every shop’s window, there was a woman standing fixing her reflection’s hair. As it was raining, they were all getting upset their hair was being ruined, so they found an opportunity to complain to their window selves: ‘Look at that, look at that hair, crazy… Why do I do with this hair’?… Why do you do, where do you go? Cars on the street, women fixing their hair in front of windows, and people inside the shops looking at some crazy women talking to themselves in the window. And then me, trying to get to the train station.

I found my friend and we went to get a coffee. When he got up to use the bathroom, four guys came into the cafe, stood in front of the glass-made counter, and started fixing their hair with a help from their reflection. When the owner asked them what they’d have, one of them replied, while still focusing on his reflection in the counter: ‘We’re not gonna stay, thank you’. He tidied up some last details on his head and left.

I went to the post office after I dropped my friend off at the train station, to send two scripts. As I was waiting in the queue, I suddenly noticed everyone in front of me looking towards their right hand-side. I followed them slowly, curious to see what had attracted everyone’s gaze so much, when I realised there was a mirror right next to me, on my right. I looked in it: Everyone was completely concentrated on their reflection. It was like they were all under a spell. It was a bit spooky to see, so decided to look towards the opposite side.

I sat at a cafe to write in the evening. As I was trying to get some work done, two girls at the table opposite me caught my attention, and I knew then, there was no hope of me concentrating: One was taking pictures of herself with her phone, and then she was studying the photo closely, making sure everything was ok. The other was checking her lips and teeth’s reflection on her spoon. All at once I felt like giving them the answer to the mystery. What I do with all my friends and takes much less time and effort, and looks way less stupid. It’s the usual question to my best friend ‘Eleni, do I look ok, is everything in place?’, and the usual answer ‘looking good, how about me?’. ‘Perfect’. End of discussion. No spoons or phones needed.

Today reminded me of walking around Edinburgh with my sister and me talking more to Georgia’s reflection in the windows than my sister herself. Since she’s always focusing there, it feels weird talking to the back of her head, so I’ve learned to look straight to the window.

Today I also realised what the best way to go about robbing a place without getting caught would be: You put a huge mirror on the one side of, let’s say a bank, and just when it’s caught even the last resisting person’s (it’s usually a man, but they always break too) attention, then boom, you’re in. You and your team, quick, in and out, never happened. I promise you that even the guards and the police will be fixing their hair in the mirror. No sentence, no time, just you being served cocktails and getting a tan in sunny Mexico.

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